How Could Anyone Love Someone Conceived By A Monster?
by svu4u09
Summary: After a difficult day a work those words echo through Olivia's head. Thankfully, she has a family at home who is able to comfort her


The words echoed in Olivia Benson's head on repeat. "how could I ever love someone conceived by a monster?" Olivia had blocked that memory from her head years ago, but today when her victim Kitty said almost the exact same thing it all came flooding back. When Olivia was 15 years old she had accidentally heard her mother on the phone talking about her, saying she couldn't love her because she was conceived by a monster. That exact thought lived in Olivia's mind for years. "How could anyone love me?" Olivia thought. It was an excuse for failed relationships, failed partnerships, it made sense. "No one could ever love someone like me".

The drive home was quiet, and Olivia was thankful Lucy had put Noah to bed. Noah. Sweet innocent Noah. Olivia stood in the doorway of Noah's bedroom staring at her son, thankful for his innocence, his ignorance. One day Olivia would need to talk to him about his history, about her history but today was not that day. Today, Noah was just a little boy who loved his mom, and Olivia had never been more thankful for that pure unconditional love that Noah and her shared.

Olivia didn't hear the key in the lock or the door opening so when she felt slender arms wrap around her midsection she was startled.

"You ok?" her wife Alex asked softly, "you're just staring at our Noah".

Olivia didn't answer, she just stood there continuing to stare at their son while gently leaning into her wife's embrace. After a moment Olivia moved out of Alex's arms and walked towards the couch. She curled up in a corner, unintentionally closing herself off from Alex. Alex sat down near Olivia but not touching her, and waited patiently for her to say something.

"Do you love me?" Olivia asked in a small childlike whisper.

Alex looked at Olivia with a puzzled almost scared looked. "Of course I do. I always have and I always will". Alex replied squeezing Olivia's leg.

After a moment Olivia looked Alex in the eyes, "but I was conceived by a monster" Olivia said matter-of-factly.

It took Alex a moment to process what was going on, what her wife was saying. Alex inched closer to Olivia and put her hand on her cheek. "Liv. Baby." Alex paused gathering her words, careful to not upset her wife any more. "I don't care how you were conceived. You are the most loving, responsible, caring, brave, fearless, passionate, badass, beautiful person I have ever known. I don't care how or under what circumstances you entered this world but I am thankful every day that you did". Alex wiped away a stray tear from Olivia's cheek as she moved in to kiss her softly. Olivia's body relaxed ever so slightly and she adjusted her body so that Alex could cuddle in next to her.

After a few moments of silence Olivia began to speak. "My victim, Kitty. She's pregnant". Olivia took a deep breath before continuing, "she told me as soon as we confirm the father she's having an abortion. she said, how could she ever love someone conceived by a monster".

"Oh Liv," Alex began, "she's been through a trauma, she is grieving, she's scared. Her comment has nothing to do with you, or your mother or anyone has ever felt about you".

"That's the thing. It's exactly how my mother felt."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do." Olivia took a deep breath to stop the tears before continuing. "She said those exact words when I was 15 years old. Not to me of course, but I overheard her on the phone one night. I don't even know who she was talking to. But she said clear as day 'how could I love someone conceived by a monster'. I never forgot those words. I spent a long time trying to convince myself that Serena was wrong. I worked through it. Convinced myself that I was worthy of love. You helped me so much. But today, hearing those words again, it all came back. How could anyone love me if I was conceived by a monster?"

"Do you love Noah?" Alex asked.

Olivia chuckled at such a ridiculous question "Of course".

"Does his trauma that came before he was ours effect how much you love him?"

"Not for a second. Noah was a baby. Nothing was his fault, he had no control over his situation"

"Just like you, Liv" Alex reminded her gently. "You didn't choose how you entered this world, how you were conceived or how your mother felt. You were a baby, a little girl. Nothing about how you entered this world is your fault. I'm sorry Serena was such a shit mother, but you are 100 times the mom she could ever be. You will never love Noah any less because of his past. Just like I love you just as much as I did before I knew how you were conceived. It doesn't matter. True love is unconditional and forever. Like ours. Like your love for Noah. Like my love for Noah. Like my love for you." Alex leaned over to kiss Olivia with all the passion and love she could muster. When the finally separated Alex whispered, "I love you Olivia Margaret Cabot-Benson. No matter what. for always and for forever".

"Thank you" Olivia replied smiling ever so slightly. "I don't know how I could survive this life without coming home to you and Noah every day. You give me clarity and hope and love. I love you so much".

They stood up slowly from the couch. Alex taking Olivia by the hand to the bedroom, planning to show her wife just how much she truly loved her.


End file.
